Description

 

The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated,
Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate


Harper Paperbacks 

Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.

2002


ISBN: 006095616X 

272 pages 

PDF 

11.5 MB


Psychotherapist
and bestselling author Lerner has been teaching readers how to "dance" with difficult relationship issues throughout the
past decade, and remains one of the most helpful writers on the topic. With her familiar mix of conversational language
and profound empathy for people (primarily women) who are struggling with the most important relationships in their
lives, she now tackles the verbal challenges of life's most painful conversations. Far from trite "communication skills"
or "assertiveness training," her book offers lucid and concrete guidance on how to speak out in a wide variety of
problem situations (e.g., when a wife suspects her husband is having an affair with a co-worker, or when friends
jeopardize their relationship by becoming roommates). 

Lerner moves smoothly through the common obstacles to
understanding how we feel, how we want to express ourselves and what we want to accomplish by talking about our
feelings. Recognizing that "your brain will turn to mush" when trying to explain yourself in an emotional state, she
offers practical advice on sharing vulnerability; voicing concerns, complaints or requests; apologizing; listening and
setting limits on how much one is willing to listen to others' complaints and negativity. Accepting that we can never
guarantee that others will hear us or respond as we'd like, Lerner focuses on the authentic expression of self,
"maximiz[ing] the chance of being heard" and keeping the connection open, despite complex emotions, misunderstandings
and silences. (Sept. 1)Forecast: The popularity of The Dance of Anger, The Dance of Intimacy, The Dance of Deception and
The Mother Dance virtually assures an eager audience for Lerner's new work. She has recently added children's books to
her repertoire (Franny B. Kranny, There's a Bird in Your Hair, PW, May 21), which may expand her readership even
further..................................